Related:

• There's this guy in a bar that's saying he knows everybody, and will bet anybody on it.
  So this guy walks up and says, "I bet you don't know Burt Rynolds....
• Bubba Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know.
  Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?...
• You know you're a redneck when...... Your grandmother says, "Come here and look at this before I flush it!
• Yugo A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce.
  The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car....
• Stupid People... Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid".
  That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything....
• DON'T GET SMART WITH ME: Three guys are having a relaxing day of fishing.
  Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid -- who begs to be set free, in return for granting each of them a wish....
• Letter to the Bank Manager Dear Bank Manager, I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
  By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it....
• YOU KNOW YOU NEED AN UPGRADE... when Microsoft tech support picks up the phone before Windows 95 finishes booting when you call tech support and they say your version of software has been obsolete for 5 years when that bright idea you had of pounding a 3-1/4" disk thin so it'll fit in the 5-1/4" slot didn't quite work when the bad blocks on your disk outnumber the good ones if your PC is big enough to use as an end table if it's so old that you can't even find a nonprofit organization that will take it as a donation when you can no longer find those special metallic cassette tapes when everyone's raving about hooking their computers up to the television and you'd never used any other kind of monitor hey
  I'm NOT upgrading my VIC 20, OK?!!! when your calculator has more RAM than your computer when your watch has more RAM than your computer when you realize that they don't use tapes anymore when it takes a Chevy pickup to haul your disk drive away when you're getting bored of those stupid Atari games like Frogger when your computer doesn't give you "nice" system errors like "Bad Command or file name" and instead formats your hard drive when you're getting tired of typing in ones and zeros when your abacus gets termites when "Solitaire" only has enough memory to use half the deck when you get the error message "Don't open so many goddam Windows at once!...
• Various Nights Before Christmas... A Microsoft Christmas 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
  The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As Papa did last minute Internet shopping....