Subject: Real Programmers
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Real Programmers don't eat quiche.
In Fact, real programmers can't even spell quiche. They eat Twinkies,
Szechwan [sic] food, and drink Pabst.
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Real Programmers don't write specs.
Users should consider themselves lucky to get any programs that work at
all -- and take what they get.
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Real Programmers don't comment their code.
If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
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Real Programmers don't write application programs.
They program right down on the bare metal. Application programming is for
accounting feebs who can't do systems programming.
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Real Programmers don't write COBOL.
COBOL is for wimpy application programmers.
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Real Programmers don't write FORTRAN.
FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and cyrstallography weenies.
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Real Programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in
BASIC after the age of 12.
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Real Programmers don't write in PL/1.
PL/1 is for those twinks who can't decide whether to write in FORTRAN or
COBOL.
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Real Programmers don't write in PASCAL, or BLISS, or ADA, or C, or any of
those pinko computer science languages.
Strong typing is for people with weak memories.
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Real Programmers' programs never work right the first time.
But if real programmers can get their supervisor to throw them on the
machine and everyone else off, their programs can be patched into working
in 'only a few' 30 hour debugging sessions.
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Real Programmers don't document.
Documentation is for simps who can't read the listings or the object deck.
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Real Programmers don't play tennis, or racket ball, or any other sport
that requires them to change clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, and real
programmers will wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain
should suddenly spring up in the middle of the machine room.
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Real Programmers don't work 9 to 5.
If any real programmers are around at 9 AM, it's because they were there
all night
