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From jat@hpsemc.UUCP Tue Nov 8 02:20:03 1988
Flags: 000000000000
From: jat@hpsemc.UUCP (Joe Talmadge)
Subject: Voting Time Again
Keywords: original, smirk, topical
Date: 8 Nov 88 08:20:03 GMT
Well, there's a chill in the air, a frost on the ground, and a large
steaming pile of bullshit on the television. Yes, that's
right, it's election time. Voting in CA should be an absolute
blast this year, as we have the pleasure of voting on approximately
12,000 new "propositions." For those of you who don't live in
California, a "proposition" is a way for us California slimes to
participate directly in the democratic process, by allowing anyone who
has the brains of a lima bean to spend billions of dollars on
television commercials. My personal favorite is the commercial
sponsored by the insurance companies, which states that if we don't
vote for their proposition, all of Western Civilization will collapse.
(A prospect which concerns me greatly, as then it will certainly be
much harder to buy beer, and they might even cancel Professional
Wrestling)
This year, most of our propositions are funded by "General Obligation
Bonds," which really means "We have no idea how we're going to pay for
this proposition." Lately, it's become an all-too-frequent occurrence
to see the Proposition Funding Team searching through California
streets in search of lost quarters and stuff. (I read an interview of
Horace Gumley, chairman of the Proposition Funding Committee, who was
in a particularly ecstatic mood because a Funding Team Member found a
5-dollar bill that morning.)
Which brings me to my reason for writing this. Next year, I'd like to
get my very own "proposition" on the ballot. This proposition would
state that if you go to a nightclub and some dumb idiot puts out a
cigarette in your beer, you can legally make that person drink it,
without having the bouncers throw you out. Not that I've ever done
anything like that.
If you would like to vote on this proposition next year, write an
extremely concerned letter to:
Guverner Dukemajuhn
The Big House in Sacramento
Sacramento, CA
