1. Press random numbers while giving order (touch-tone phone), and ask
the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Tell the order taker that you have a rival pizza place on the other
line, and you're going with the lowest bidder.
3. Don't name your toppings. S-P-E-L-L
them...slowly.
4. Say "Hello?", as if the pizza person called you. Act stunned, and
say "HELLO?" again more frustrated.
5. Ask if you get to keep the box. When they say yes,
give a huge sigh of relief.
6. When you call, tell the order taker that you
need to see a menu.
7. Ask if the pizza is organically
grown.
8. When he/she repeats your order, say "Again, with a little
more OOOMPH this time please."
9. Start the conversation by stating today's date and saying,
"This may be my last entry."
10. End the call with, "Remember, we NEVER had
this conversation."
11. Use these bonus words in the conversation: robust,
free-spirited, cost-efficient, Ukranian, and puce.
12. Sing the order to your favorite
Metallica song.
13. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say
"crazy bread."
14. Tell the order taker you're a little bummed out.
Get them to cheer you up.
15. Change your accent every 3
seconds.
16. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows
from an equation you're about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
17. Start your order with, "Um, I'll have..." and then say "No,
shut up! You don't want that!"
18. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther away from your lips as you
speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back in place and scream
"GOODBYE" at the top of your lungs.
19. Eliminate all verbs from your
speech.
20. Ask for the guy who took your order
last time.
21. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare "I shall not
be swayed by your sweet words."
22. Start the conversation with, "My call to Pizza
Place, Take 1. Action!"
23. Before ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone
does." Simulate a cut-off. See how long they hang on.
24. Say, "Kssssssssssssssssst" loudly into the phone.
Ask if they felt that.
25. Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop at
regular intervals to play it.
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
