I often get requests for back-jokes out of rec.humor.funny, so I have
gathered together over 600 of the better submissions from the last year
and a half, along with some unposted stuff and original cartoons, into a
compendium of this newsgroup's history. It's laser-typeset and takes up
around 160 full sized pages.
People ask me, "Why go to all the work of editing all those jokes for
typesetting if everybody's already read them?" Of course, they only
asked me this *after* I'd done all the work. I did this last year as
Christmas gifts for family and friends. (Somehow I don't think they meant
books when they said, "The best Christmas gifts are the ones you make
yourself.") Everybody really liked it, so this year I'm making them
available to net people too, for real cheap.
I think many people might want this book as a Christmas gift for their
own friends, or perhaps their enemies. (If you give it to your mother,
I advise you rip out the ROT13 section.) In light of this I am writing
introductory sections that explain USENET and the newsgroup to outsiders.
I have also isolated the Computer/Science/Math jokes and the USENET jokes
into their own chapters. Non-computer folks can avoid them, and you can
read these chapters in front of your friends while laughing riotously,
allowing you to feel superior.
If you started reading the group after it began, you'll find the jokes
that you missed in this book. (Many have said the early months had the
best submissions.) If you're looking for a back-joke, you should find
it in here, too. I don't relish being a joke-server, and I never re-post,
so this is now a route to get all the back-jokes at once. (It may even
keep repeats out of rec.humor.)
I have included a "Joka-Cola Classic" section, which contains most of
the good jokes that I rejected as "too well known to the net." When
I say that, it means I think about 50% of the readers will be tired of
the joke, but there are still many who can enjoy these.
I am also including about a dozen original cartoons and strips by world
famous comic artist Ty Templeton. (No relation.) (Ok. We share the same
parents.) Ty currently draws the Justice League for D.C. Comics and
has foolishly turned down offers to do syndicated strips for the L.A.
Times syndicate. Perhaps some of his fans from rec.arts.comics can
post reviews of his material to rec.humor.d.
And, of course, if far more people buy this book than I expect, I'll
actually recover the costs and effort of making it! Aside from the
hundreds of hours I have spent moderating this group for the last 15 months,
I have also put in about 60 hours of work making several *thousand* edits and
corrections (I'm not kidding) to the jokes to make them suitable for
typesetting. Have you ever tried to edit things typed by 500 different
people, 95% of whom can't spell or punctuate, into a common form for
typesetting? Don't try. (I'll explain in rec.humor.d why the net
postings aren't so carefully edited, if anybody wants to know.)
The book will cost $9.95 in U.S. funds. Shipping costs vary on where you
are. You can order it by mail, or via an 800 number with a major credit
card. Details on ordering are in a follow-up posting to this one. (RHF ONLY)
(If you think this price is high, go to your local instant printer and
ask how much to do a 160 page book with binding and cover in small quantities
You will get quotes OVER the price I'm asking.) Order soon if you want
your copy or copies in time for Christmas.
NOTE: The discussion of issues concerning copyright and book-ordering
on USENET already took place in rec.humor.d. That is the place if others
want to discuss those matters again. Do not send this message over the
ARPANET.
P.P.S: This book contains jokes with swearing, sexual references and sick
or offensive themes. Some jokes involve racism or sexism and are in a
special section that can be removed. This book is not suitable for children.
(This posting is a companion to the announcement of the 1988 annual, which
should have come first.)
How to order the 1988 rec.humor.funny annual from inside the USA and overseas:
(Instructions for Canada will be posted with "can" distribution.)
You can use the mail, or order using my toll free 800 number with a
major credit card. I can send the book to you either by surface
mail (about 2 weeks) or air mail (just over 1 week) as you choose.
If you order by mail, mail a check or money order for $9.95 (US Funds)
per copy, plus the shipping/handling charges (see below) to:
Jokebook
c/o Looking Glass Software Ltd.
124 King St. N.
Waterloo, ON
N2J 2X8
Canada
Please include a mailing label for the return package. A stick on label
would be great, but a plain cut piece of paper would be fine. In your
order, include the number of copies you want, how you want them shipped,
and your EMAIL address in case there's any trouble.
Toll Free Ordering
You can dial 1-800-265-2782 from within the continental USA to order.
(Outside, dial 1-519-884-7473) This 800 number does not exist just for the
jokebook, so please try to keep it short so I can keep my costs down.
When you call, between 10 AM and 5 PM Eastern Standard Time, please have
ready with you:
The type, card number and expiry date of your credit card.
(MasterCard, Visa or American Express) Also give your name here
if it's being mailed to a different person.
The name and address to ship the book to.
The number of books and type of shipping.
Your EMAIL address in case there's any problem.
Here's the tricky part. If you order by credit card, you will be billed
in Canadian dollars. Your bank will do an exchange for you and bill you
in U.S. dollars. The current rate in the paper is around $0.81 USD = $1 CAN.
We will bill you at this rate ($12.25 CDN for the book), but your bank's
rate will vary.
You can also order by E-MAIL if you are crazy enough to include your
credit card information in non-secure USENET mail. Mail to
jokebook@looking.UUCP.
If you order by credit card, the above prices will be converted to
Canadian dollars and charged as such on your credit card bill, to be
converted back to U.S. dollars by your bank as described above.
OVERSEAS SHIPPING CHARGES (U.S. Dollars)
1 Book Air Mail - $7
1 Book Surface - $4
2 Books Surface - $6
I won't bill your credit card or cash your check until we send the
book to you!
If a group wants to get together and order 20 or more, I can do a
discount and arrange cheaper or faster shipping, like UPS.
Yes, this is advertising on the net. With luck, it will cut down
joke duplications and calls for old jokes, saving the net money.
If you want to discuss this again, go to rec.humor.d. Do not send this
message over the ARPANET.
(NO, I didn't set all this up just to order books. I run a software
company, so all the mechanism for this is already in place.)
Czech walks into police station in 1968 during the Fraternal
Assistance.
Czech: Hey, out there in the street, a Swiss soldier knocked
me down and took my Russian watch.
Desk Sergeant: Come again?
Czech: Are you deaf? Out there in the street, a Swiss soldier
knocked me down and took my Russian watch.
Desk Sergeant: You're confused. It was a Russian soldier who
knocked you down and took your Swiss watch.
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
