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• HAVE A MICROSOFT CHRISTMAS 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except father's mouse.
  The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As father did last-minute Internet shopping....
• What's the difference between a banjo and a(n)... Chain Saw
  ( 1.) a chain saw has a dynamic range. ( 2.) you can turn a chain saw off....
• The Top 15 Surprises in Bill Gates's New Mansion 15> Sign over king-sized bed declares, "Use of the Words 'micro' and 'soft' strictly prohibited while in bedroom.
  14> No paintings, but live artists actually hanging on the wall....
• Ways to Commit Suicide After the Stock Market Crash 16> Sit under Hong Kong Finance Minister's window.
  Wait. 15> Rub together the two pennies you still have left to create a spark to ignite the alcohol vapors emanating from you....
• Various Nights Before Christmas... A Microsoft Christmas 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
  The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As Papa did last minute Internet shopping....
• Signs of Trouble on the Fleetwood Mac Tour 15> Stevie Nicks's shawl now used for warmth, not fashion.
  14> The Clintons leave early, feigning illness....
• DOS Users Anonymous DOS Users Anonymous is a new 12-step group, patterned after the 12 steps for recovery of Alcoholics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, Al-Anon Family Groups, etc.
  The heart of the DOS Users Anonymous suggested program of personal recovery is contained in our Twelve Steps for Recovery....
• A Frenchman, an Englishman, a Texan, and a Mexican are flying in a plane.
  The pilot explains to her passengers that the plane is too heavy and in order to avoid an ugly crash, some weight needs to be removed from the plane....
• AND NOW THEY LAUGH ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK. 1. "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.
  5 tons." -- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949 2....