Open Letter To The Sheriff
Dear Sheriff Golman,
I Just Wanted To Take A Few Minutes To Tell You What A
Wonderful Time My Family And I Had At The Recent Sheriffs Auction And
Evidence Sale.
Dear Sheriff Golman,
I just wanted to take a few minutes to tell you what a
wonderful time my family and I had at the recent Sheriffs Auction and
Evidence Sale. I really don't understand how you people can possibly sell
such great articles at the prices you were asking. I guess it's true that
you really are a non-profit organization.
Here are some highlights from our visit.....
1. The Drug Lord Car Sale was my favorite part of the show. I picked up a
lovely fire engine red Corvette for almost next to nothing. In the future
could you please ask your mechanics to fix the bullet holes in the fenders
first. They make a very annoying noise when the wind goes through them while
crusing down the highway.
Also, it might be a good idea to have them make a
quick inspection of the trunk area. Please keep in mind, I'm not
complaining. I found several small plastic bags of flour under the spare
tire. Not wanting to waste it, we used it to bake cookies for our daughters
pre-school cookie sale. They were a BIG hit, and I'm happy to report it was
the first time our club broke the hundred thousand dollar mark.
2. The little woman was very pleased with the fine dinner knives she picked
up.... She was especially pleased to discover the blades actually slide into
the handles. She thinks this is an excellent safety feature. She is a tad
bit disturbed with the stains on some of the blades though. She seems to
fell your staff could have cleaned them a little better. Her recommendation
is next time, use a little metal polish and some elbow grease.
3. The kids are having a grand time with the boxes of chalk used to outline
dead bodies that we picked up. They have been taking turns outlining each
other. Do you have any good suggestions on how to get chalk dust out of the
carpets? While we're on the subject, the surplus body bags we snapped up are
great and so versitile.... The wife is using one as a laundry bag. The snap
up zipper really does help to hold the odor in, though it does tend to get a
little rugged when she unzips them. I'm using one as a water proof sleeping
bag liner. Works like a charm. I know it was never though necessary, but do
you happen to know if they have a model that can be unzipped from the
inside?
4. We found a nice 2nd computer in your Fraud department. It seems to run a
little slow though.... Do you know how to get finger print dust out of a
floppy drive?
Well that pretty well sums it up.... We are really looking foward to your
annual Used Guns Sale. Perhaps you could hold it a little closer to the
opening of hunting season though.... I've got my eye on that little fully
automatic anti-aircraft gun I saw in your catalog. I'm sure I should limit
out on duck this year......
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
