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• The Poles have a saying about how communist governments rewrite history
  "Only the future is certain; the past is always changing" A would-be bandit failed because he had written a holdup up note on another bank's withdrawal slip....
• A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account.
  The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, "Three million dollars....
• Golf Balls A young man, who worked at a driving range, picked up a couple of dozen old balls one day and took them home with him, stuffing the into his pants pockets.
  On the bus on his way home, an elderly old lady sat down next to him, so he had to scrunch them up to make room for her....
• The Wizard of Zone Once upon a time in Depression-era Kansas there was a little black boy named Zachary X (pronounced "ex" not "ten") who lived on a farm.
  He was an orphan, a cheap device to garner your sympathy....
• Surprised while burgling a house in Antwerp, Belgium, a thief fled out the back door, clambered over a nine-foot wall, dropped down and found himself in the city prison.
  ********************************************************************** In 1976 a twenty-two-year-old Irishman, Bob Finnegan, was crossing the busy Falls Road in Belfast, when he was struck by a taxi and flung over its roof....
• Fresh Every 2.7 Days PEE YU PLATTER Clothes Pins Extra HOO FLUNG POO Napkins & Raincoats Provided SUC SUM TIT Children's Special YUNG POON TANG No Take Out Orders Accepted LUNCHEON SPECIALS SUM YUNG CHICK.
  .........$6.99 Different and Delicious WON HUNG LO....
• Various Nights Before Christmas... A Microsoft Christmas 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
  The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As Papa did last minute Internet shopping....
• The Old Man A self-important young man goes out and buys the best car available
  a 1997 Porsche 911 Turbo. It is one of the fastest and most expensive cars in the world....
• Speedy A hip young man goes out and buys a 1997 Ferrari GTO.
  It is the best and most expensive car available in the world, costing about $...