1999 DARWIN AWARDS
Yes, folks, it's time again for the 1999 Darwin Awards. For those sheltered
few of you who are not fully aware of the Darwin Awards; these awards are
given annually (and posthumously) to those individuals who did the most for
the human gene pool by removing themselves from it.
GRAVITY KILLS
A 22-year-old Reston man was found dead yesterday after he tried to use
'occy' straps (the stretchy little ropes with hooks on each end) to bungee
jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle, police said. Fairfax County police said
Eric A.Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together,
wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at
Lake Accotink Park, jumped... and hit the pavement.
Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was
alone because his car was found nearby.
"The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance
between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the
apparent cause of death was "major trauma." An autopsy is scheduled for
later in the week.
LAUNCHED ON THE FOURTH OF JULY
Three young men in Oklahoma were looking forward to enjoying the upcoming
Fourth of July holiday and apparently wanted to test fire some fireworks.
The only problem was that their launch pad and seating arrangements were
atop a several hundred thousand gallon fuel distillation storage tank. Some
fumes were ignited, producing a fireball seen for miles. They were launched
several hundred feet into the air and were found dead 250 yards from their
respective seats.
DON'T ASK GOD TO PROVE HIMSELF, HE JUST MIGHT
A lawyer and two buddies were fishing on Caddo Lake in Texas when a
lightning storm hit the lake. Most of the other boats immediately headed for
the shore, but not our friend the lawyer. On the rear of his aluminum bass
boat with his buddies, this individual stood up, spread his arms wide
(crucifixion style) and shouted: "HERE I AM LORD, LET ME HAVE IT!" Needless
to say, God delivered.
The other two passengers on the boat survived the lightning strike with
minor burns.
CATCH
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. Big deal you may say, but
there's a twist here that makes him a candidate. It seems he and a friend
were playing catch with a rattlesnake. You can guess what happened from
here. The friend (a future Darwin Awards candidate) was hospitalized.
THEY SAY THOSE THINGS WILL KILL YOU
Not much was given to me on this unlucky fellow, but he qualifies
nonetheless. You see, there was a gentleman from Korea who was killed by his
cell phone...more or less. He was doing the usual "walking and talking" when
he walked into a tree and managed to somehow break his neck. Keep that in
mind the next time you decide to drive and dial at the same time.
GIMME A LIGHT
In a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed the
smell of gas. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all
potential sources of ignition-lights, power, etc. After the building had
been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon
entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the
dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
described the vision of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and
retrieving an object that resembled a lighter. Upon operation of the
lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it
up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician who was
suspected of causing the explosion had never been thought of as "bright" by
his peers.
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
