Tim Allen's Computer Upgrade
I made a big mistake a few weeks ago, I heard that Tim Allen could fix
anything. I am sure you have heard of him, he used to have his own TV show
called "Tool Time", it was on ABC under the pseudonym of "Home Improvement."
Well anyway, I heard he could give my computer more power. What I had was a
fairly generic Pentium 233 system. What I have now is, well, I'll let you
find an appropriate descriptive word. Using 2 genuine Binford super-cooled
3000watt refrigeration units, super cooled air is blasted over the 233 CPU
overclocked to 1200MHz. Using a Binford high-rise SDRAM card, 6 256 super
CPU clocked SDRAM DIMMs are added (for a total of 1552 MB's ram), a hole cut
in the top of the case makes room for this tall add-on supercard, complete
with 2 Binford high-speed super-cooler fans on each side blowing
refrigerated air through them. Using the Binford gigantic 3d AGP Voodoo III
stacker high-rise card, 8 Voodoo III cards are added in series for drawing
an unprecedented 800,000,000,000,000 3D triangles per second. These cards
have drip-less dry-ice packs between them. A 40,000 watt aircraft generator
turned by Tim's Hot Rod provides the power. 7 16 gig SCSI U.W. Cheetahs are
added to make room for future Windows upgrades. Off the rear of the second
Adaptec Binford modified super speed SCSI adapter sits a 166X 200 CD changer
tower. The modem had been replaced with a Binford Satellite Internet Dish
capable of downloading at 2 Gigs per second on a clear day. The Monitor has
been replaced with a Binford High Definition 72" TV. Binford's Super 3D
Monster Mega Massive Sound Card was added and connected to Tim's personal
Stereo System (specs on this are another story). To save money the floppy
drive, keyboard, mouse and pad were not replaced.
