Mommy Mommy, Can I play with Grandma?
Shut up kid, You've already dug her up 3 times today!
Little Boy Blue, come blow your horn.
The sheeps in the meadow, the cows in the corn.
Where's the little boy that looks after the sheep?
- Under the haystack, with Little BoPeep!
What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Pencil-neck geek!
Gritty-eyed freak!
Scum-sucking pinhead with a lousy physique!
You're a no-good, one-man losing streak!
Nothing but a pencil-neck geek!
There is a sorority of more or less obese women at our
school called Sigma Delta Tau. They go around with these
shirts that look like they read "EAT"
Did you hear about S. Rushdie's new book?
Buddha, You fat f_ck
She was only the bank managers daughter,
but boy she was never a lone!
Robert Durrant
"You don't have to be mad, but it helps!"
She was only a rancher's daughter,
but all the horse manure (horsemen knew her)!
Little Johnny goes up to his teacher and asks:
"Miss Brown, what does a vagina look like before sex?"
Miss Brown says: "Well, Little Johnny, I think that's something
you'd better ask your father."
So Little Johnny goes home and asks his dad: "Dad, what does a vagina look
like before sex?"
Dad looks at Little Johnny and says: "Well son, have you ever seen a rose,
with it's petals half open and the dew glistening on it in the morning sun."
"Gee, thanks Dad", says Little Johnny.
The next day Little Johnny goes up to his teacher again and asks:
"Miss Brown, what does a vagina look like AFTER sex?"
Miss Brown says: "Well, Little Johnny, I think that seeing as your father
did such a good job answering your first question, you'd better ask him."
So Little Johnny goes home and asks his dad: "Dad, what does a vagina look
like after sex?"
Dad looks at Little Johnny and says:
"Well son, have you seen a bulldog eating porridge?"
Gleaming plastic in a paper bag .
I pick you up , but you still sag .
Soon to be filled with blood , bile and stools .
They say it can't be love but they're just fools .
Every moment with you I simply adore
I wouldn't swap you for a thousand dollar hore.
CHORUS
Colostomy bag ,you're such a tease .
Colostomy bag , oh how you tease.
Colostomy bag give me head
Colostomy bag take me to bed .
Insides swimming in urine and faecial tripe
I can't help myself as I take a bite .
Your sweet fluids flow back inside of me.
This is true love the way it was meant to be .
Half my intestines were sliced away
Now you have somwhere warm to stay .
Chorus .
I cant stop making love to you .
Even though my dick gets covered in poo.
Sex with you is in a different class .
I'd wish you would stick a chainsaw up my arse.
Oh colostomy bag spend an eternity with me
And I promise to be true to thee.
Chorus .
Oohhh Colostomy
Oohhh Colostomy bag.
OOOHHHHH my colostomy
oohhh Colostomy bag
I love you ..
A party of Catholics is on a plane journey over the frozen north. The plane
goes down in bad weather in some very difficult terrain. They have food for
only one day, and no survival equipment, but they manage to transmit an SOS.
No-one can rescue them before they all die of exposure, so the church
parachutes in a priest...
A man walked into a bank & pulled a gun on a teller. He told her to
give him all the cash she had and all that other stuff that happens in your
typical bank robbery. When the 'transaction' was complete, the guy went to
put his gun away so he could leave. In the process, he fired the gun and
shot his finger off. He fled. The police took the finger and matched it
with a fingerprint on file, drove to his address and picked him up.
2 robbers from Puerto Rico felt that the Police were getting hot on their
trail, so they decided to move far away to Montreal and continue their
life of crime in the new city. Unfortunately they just did not quite
understand winter. They were arrested the morning after their first
break-in. The police just followed their footsteps in the snow from the
store to their house...
have you ever noticed that most of the women who are against abotrion
are women that you wouldn't fuck in the first place!!!!!!!
A Carlin classic:
Shouldn't there be a feminine hygiene product named ``Sprunt''?
What did Clarence Thomas say to Ted Kennedy?
At least I bring them home alive.
A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see
walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking
along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud
"THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road. This pasttime was
immensely enjoyable to the truck driver.
One day, as the truck driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitch
hiking, so he thought he would do a good turn by offering the priest a
lift. So he pulled the truck over and asked the priest, "Where are you
going, Father?"
"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road!" replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." With that,
the happy priest climbed into the passenger seat, and the truck driver
continued down the road.
Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road, and
instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a
priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back to the
road, narrowly missing the lawyer. However, even though he was certain he
missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD".
Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors, and
when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry,
Father. I almost hit that lawyer."
"That's okay," replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
