ObJoke: This guy goes to Texas on vacation. (No, that's not the
punchline.) When he's ready to leave the airport, he hails a cab, but
a stretch limo pulls up. So he tells the driver he only wanted a
cab.
"This is a cab, sir. Everything's bigger in Texas."
Not bad, the guy thinks. So he gets to his hotel, and when he's
shown to his room, it's a four-room suite with jacuzzi and waterbed.
The man protests that he only wanted a single room.
"This is a single room, sir. Everything's bigger in Texas."
Better and better. After a nap, the guy goes down to the hotel
bar to have a beer before dinner. The bartender brings him a
two-quart pitcher, and the guy points out he only wanted one beer.
"This is your beer, sir. Everything's bigger in Texas."
After this beer, the guy is feeling a little tipsy, and he can't
find his way to the restaurant. He ends up falling in the hotel pool
instead. So he yells, "Don't flush!"
Q: Why don't witches have babies?
A: Because goblins have hollow weenies.
If Tarzan and Jane were black, what would Cheeta be??
The smartest of the three.
Why weren't there any black dudes on the Flintstones??
Because they were still apes back then.
What do you say to Mike Tyson when he is all tied up?
Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga Nigga
What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A golden retriever.
Bumper Sticker:
David Duke is A-OKKK with me!
I heard that you were feeling ill,
Headaches, Fever, and a chill,
I came to help restore your pluck,
Cause I'm the nurse who likes to ......
I just heard David Duke was thinking of running for President next
year in 1992 and I thought of a great campaign slogan:
DAVID DUKE IN 92!!!...feet of water that is...
Chi-O Chi-O is off to bed we go.
I paid my buck
I want my fuck
Chi-O Chi-o
There once was a man from Eeling
Who pounded his pud with great feeling
Then like a trout
He'd stick his mouth out
And wait for the drops from the ceiling!
The once was a woman from Decater
Who was laid by a big alligator
Now nobody knew
What became of those two
Cuz after he laid her he ate her
Little Bo Peep fucked a sheep
Blew a horse, licked his feet
She ate his ass so very nice
Tongued his balls not once but twice...
IBM stands for:
Intercourse Beats Masturbation
Inefficient But Marketable
Imperialism By Marketing
Idiots Become Managers
Insolence Breeds Mediocrity
Incredibly Brilliant Marketing
Incredibly Big Monopoly
I Became Macintosh
The latest put-down in Iran: May you win a Salmon Rushdie look-alike contest.
Also, one from Paris, I believe: May you lose all your teeth except one, and
get a toothache.
what is the object of Jewish football?
Answer: to get the quarter back.
The famous producer calls the director:
-"We're going to make a movie about the life
of Charles Aznavour. We've already got a
great actor for the leading part - Belmondo."
-"Belmondo ?", the director says surprised, "But don't
you think it would be more natural and easier if
we had Aznavour himself for that part ?"
-"Oh, no!...He's too short."
-"Honey! Hug me, please, just like Robert Redford
in that movie yesterday."
-"Like Robert Redford, you say ? Well, well, like
Robert Redford....Do you know how much he gets
for a hug like that ?"
Apropos recent events, in case you're wondering what will become
of all the unemployed KGB men in the event of a change of regime in
the USSR, I was talking to a German friend recently and asked him
what had become of all the former Stasi secret policement of East
Germany.
"Oh they're all taxi drivers now", he said, "it was the obvious
solution".
"Why is that?", I asked.
"Simple", he said, "you just give them your name -- and they know
where you live."
Q. How many University Football Team players takes to screw a
light bulb?
A. Just one. But he takes 3 credits for it !
i guess irvin didn't really have a magic "johnson"?
Why are Mexican low-rider steering wheels only about 6 inches in diameter ??
So they can drive with their handcuffs on !
Q: Why do blondes tattoo their zipcode under their belly button?
A: So they can get the male into the right box.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto
Maple Leafs?
A: She fell out of a tree.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Give her M&M's and tell her to put them in alpabetical order.
Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A: A thought.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
