Church Bulletin Bloopers
1. "Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children."
2. "Ushers will eat latecomers."
3. "The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done."
4. "The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday
morning."
5. "The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession."
6. "Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 PM. Please
use the back door."
7. "Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary."
8. "The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical
accomplishment."
9. "The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the
audience."
10. "The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will
sing, 'Break Forth Into Joy.'"
11. "Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The
pastor will then speak on 'It's a Terrible Experience'."
12. "Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be
discontinued until further notice."
13. "Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM. Please use large double door at the
side entrance."
14. "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community."
15. "The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
church basement on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend
this tragedy."
16. "A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday."
17. "Today's Sermon: 'How Much Can a Man Drink?' with hymns from a full
choir."
18. On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: "God is good - Dr.
Hargreaves is better."
19. "Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow."
20. "The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people
who are not afflicted with any church."
21. "Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones."
22. "The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to
join the choir."
