Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed:
"The Gate of Heaven". Below that was a small cardboard sign which
read: "Please use other entrance."
Rev. Warren J. Keating, Pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of
Yuma, AZ, says that the best prayer he ever heard was: "Lord, please
make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am."
A Woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas
cards. "What Denomination?" Asked the clerk. "Oh, good heavens! Have
we come to this?" said the woman. "Well give me 50 Baptist and 50
Catholic ones."
On a very cold, snowy Sunday in February, only the pastor and one
farmer arrived at the village church. The pastor said, "Well, I guess
we won't have a service today." The farmer replied: "Heck, if even
only one cow shows up at feeding time, I feed it."
During a children's sermon, Rev. Larry Eisenberg asked the children
what "Amen" means. A little boy raised his hand and said: "It means
- 'Tha-tha-tha-that's all folks!'"
A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His
answer? "3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7."
I was at the beach with my children when my four-year-old son ran up
to me, grabbed my hand, and led me to the shore, where a sea gull lay
dead in the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy
asked. "He died and went to Heaven," I replied. My son thought a
moment and then said, "And God threw him back down?"
Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip tells of a
time when he was penciling one of his cartoons and his son Jeffy
said, "Daddy, how do you know what to draw?" I said, "God tells me."
Jeffy said, "Then why do you keep erasing parts of it?"
After the church service, a little boy told the pastor: "When I grow
up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor
replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest
preachers we've ever had."
My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to
our six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the
blessing?" I wouldn't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what
you hear Mommy say," my wife said. Our daughter bowed her head and
said: "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to
dinner?"
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