REDNECK JEDI
Rednecks are not limited to Earth. They exist all across the galaxy in many
different forms. One example is Luke Skywalker, who must have been a redneck
because he fell in love with his sister, Leia. But surely he isn't the only
Jedi Knight who happens to be a redneck. So if you suspect the local Jedi of
being a redneck, here's a few ways to tell.
You might be a Jedi redneck if...
1. Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.
2. You have ever used your lightsaber to open a bottle of Jack Daniel's.
3. You think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.
4. At least one wing of your X-wing is Bondo colored.
5. There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.
6. You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
7. You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok... without using the word
"chicken."
8. You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.
9. You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with hightech sheets
10. A peaceful meditation session is one without gas.
11. You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE force.
12. Your master ever said "My finger you will pull..hmmm?"
13. You ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
14. You ever lost a hand during a lightsaber fight because you had to spit.
15. The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters
16. Wookies are offended by your B.O.
17. You ever used the force to get yourself another beer while waitin' for a
commercial.
18. You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
19. You have ever used a lightsaber to clean fish or open a non-twistoff
bottle of beer.
20. Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over t' the dark
side...it'll be a hoot."
21. You have ever had your R2 unit use its self-defense electroshock thingy
to get the bar-b-q grill to light.
22. The moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks
can't find it.
23. You have a stuffed womp rat anywhere in your home.
24. You think the symbol for the Rebel Alliance should be the Confederate
flag.
25. More than half the droids you own don't function.
26. The number of blasters you own exceeds your I.Q.
27. You wonder why Luke and Leia gave up on getting married.
28. You used a carbon-freezing chamber to mount the Wampa you shot while
vacationin' on Hoth.
29. Your moonshine is made on a real moon.
30. You don't like wearing a Jedi robe because it prevents access to the dip
stored in your back pocket.
31. Sand people back down from your mama.
32. You've used Jedi mind control to talk your way out of a speeding ticket
or DUI.
33. You've ever strangled someone with the force because they laughed at
your accent.
34. You built an outhouse over the Sarlaac.
35. You've ever argued with a Jawa over scavenging rights to a broken droid.
36. A Wookie has ever told you that you need to shave.
37. You have ever wrecked a landspeeder while trying to light a cigarette
with your lightsaber.
38. You don't think the Ewoks are primitive.
39. You think an ATAT looks like a giant cow.
40. You don't think Jabba's pig guards have a hygiene problem.
41. The Rancor monster refused to eat you.
