Related:

• Ominous electronic background music:) In honor of Halloween, I'm about to perform an unspeakable pagan ritual.
  So please leave a message. Unless you're a virgin, in which case, why don't you stop by?...
• Ring...click....(sound of loud music in background).
  ..Hello? - just a second while I turn the stereo off (sound of person running to click off music, which gets quiet....
• Letter to the Bank Manager Dear Bank Manager, I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
  By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it....
• What's the difference between a banjo and a(n)... Chain Saw
  ( 1.) a chain saw has a dynamic range. ( 2.) you can turn a chain saw off....
• Writing Contest FROM AN ACTUAL NEWSPAPER CONTEST WHERE ENTRANTS AGE 4 TO 15 WERE ASKED TO IMITATE "DEEP THOUGHTS BY JACK HANDEY
  My young brother asked me what happens after we die....
• ALIEN ZOMBIE & THE CONGO LIZARDS You’re in luck. As my luck would have it, I made my bones in a musical family.
  Grandpop slapped ivories at the Congo, and Daddy-O moonlit his rocket ‘88 in the lizard lounges....
• Annoying flute music in background) Good day, Jim.
  Your contact, [insert name], is not available right now....
• Continuing the series on scientific socialism... This NUTWORKS article fully supports the observations we have made about electricity.
  Here in the Baltic we have made precise mesurements regarding the speed of electricity....
• Last year my roommate had a machine but he hated to make the outgoing message.
  Stage fright, I guess. So I usually made them. One that we usually used during exam time wa...