Sam: What will you have, Norm?
Norm: Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever
comes out of that tap.
Sam: Oh, looks like beer, Norm.
Norm: Call me Mister Lucky.
Birth, Death, Love and Rice:
Sam: What do you say, Norm?
Norm: Any cheap, tawdry thing that'll get me a beer.
Woody Goes Belly Up:
Sam: What do you say to a beer, Normie?
Norm: Hiya, sailor. New in town?
Diane's Nightmare:
Norm: [coming in from the rain] Evening, everybody.
All: Norm! (Norman!)
Sam: Still pouring, Norm?
Norm: That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.
I'll Gladly Pay You Tuesday:
Sam: What's the good word, Norm?
Norm: Plop, plop, fizz, fizz.
Sam: Oh no, not the Hungry Heifer...
Norm: Yeah, yeah, yeah...
Sam: One heartburn cocktail coming up.
Love Thy Neighbor:
Sam: Whaddya say, Norm?
Norm: Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink. And down it goes.
The Bar Stoolie:
Woody: What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Boxer shorts and loose shoes. But I'll settle for a beer.
The Triangle:
Woody: What can I do for you, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Elope with my wife.
[Norm is angry.]
Woody: What can I get you, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Clifford Clavin's head.
Take My Shirt... Please?
Woody: How's life, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Oh, I'm waiting for the movie.
The Peterson Principle:
Sam: Hey, what's happening, Norm?
Norm: Well, it's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear.
Tan 'n Wash:
Paul: Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?
Norm: Like a baby treats a diaper.
Norm: Hey, everybody.
All: [silence; everybody is mad at Norm for being rich]
Norm: [carries on both sides of the conversation himself]
Norm! (Norman.)
How are you feeling today, Mr. Peterson?
Rich and thirsty. Pour me a beer.
Home is the Sailor: [the bar is completely different, since Sam went
sailing around the world and sold the bar]
Norm: Hey, everybody.
Woody: Norm! [nobody else in the bar says anything]
Norm: That's it, I'm leaving.
Norm: [comes in, pretending to be Joe Average customer,
as part of operation Wayne Down the Dwain]
Customer: Norm!
Norm: [quietly] Not now!
Little Carla, Happy at Last, Part 2:
Woody: Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass.
A Kiss is Still a Kiss:
Sam: How's life treating you?
Norm: It's not, Sammy, but you can!
Let Sleeping Drakes Lie:
Woody: Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: A little early, isn't it Woody?
Woody: For a beer?
Norm: No, for stupid questions.
Airport V:
Woody: What's the story, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery.
Let's cut to the happy ending.
One Happy Chappy in a Snappy Serape, Part 2:
Pepe: [something in Spanish]
Bar Wars II: The Woodman Strikes Back:
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you.
Norm: I know, and if she calls, I'm not here.
Don't Paint Your Chickens:
Sam: Beer, Norm?
Norm: Have I gotten that predictable? Good.
Call Me, Irresponsible:
Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: A flashing sign in my gut that says, ``Insert beer here.''
Two Girls for Every Boyd:
Sam: What can I get you, Norm?
Norm: [scratching his beard] Got any flea powder?
Ah, just kidding. Gimme a beer; I think I'll just drown the little
suckers.
Feeble Attraction:
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?
Norm: Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?
Bar Wars III: The Return of Tecumseh:
Sam: What are you up to Norm?
Norm: My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall.
Loverboyd:
Woody: Nice cold beer coming up, Mr. Peterson.
Norm: You mean, `Nice cold beer going <down> Mr. Peterson.'
Sam: What do you know there, Norm?
Norm: How to sit. How to drink. Want to quiz me?
Veggie-Boyd:
Sam: What can I do for you, Norm?
Norm: Open up those beer taps and, oh, take the day off, Sam.
It's a Wonderful Wife:
Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
% Norm: Another layer for the winter, Wood.
Not yet confirmed against videotape:
"How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"No, I mean pour."
"How's life treating you, Norm?"
"Like it caught me sleeping with its' wife."
"Women. Can't live with 'em, pass the beer nuts."
"What's going down, Normie?"
"My butt cheeks on that bar stool."
"How's life in the fast lane?"
"Dunno, can't get on the on-ramp."
"Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson."
"Alright, but stop me at one.... make that one-thirty."
"What's the story, Norm?"
"Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."
"How about a beer, Norm?"
"That's that amber sudsy stuff, right? I've heard good things about it!"
"What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
"The question is what's going in Mr. Peterson. A beer please, Woody."
"What's up, Normie?"
"My nipples, it's freezing out there."
Martin Hanley (mph@praxis.co.uk)
Administrative note
"All about Baseball" is reportedly just a slightly modified version
of an original piece about Cricket, from the Marybourne Cricket Club
From wang@brauer....
