Nay, Lad! *Deciding's* Not Your Ploy, For That's A Risky Game.

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Nay, lad! *Deciding's* not your ploy,
For that's a risky game.
It's *making a decision*
That's your surest road to fame.

Decide means to take action,
And actions rock the boat,
And if you act and don't succeed,
Small chance you'll stay afloat.

But... making a decision,
Ah! that's the way to swing.
It keeps the masses happy
And doesn't change a thing.

So get yourself a task force
Well skilled in all the arts
And call them all together
And watch them flip their charts.

For Jack says no and Jim says yes
And Billy says perhaps
And Chester asks good questions
... When he isn't taking naps.

And Bertram, chomping his cigar,
Is chock full of statistics,
While Waldemar, who puffs a pipe,
Is famed for his heuristics.

"The figures prove --" "The model says --"
"The forecast bears me out."
"The complex simplex program
Shows I'm right without a doubt."

Let's tiptoe out and close the door
And let them stew a while.
No fear that they'll do something rash,
for *doing's* not their style.

Reality's an untamed beast
That's difficult to master,
But models are quite docile
And give you answer faster.

So diddle with a model
To glorify your name,
Then get yourself a task force
And learn to play the game.

It was finals week at the college. The students had filed into the
auditorium, and picked up their blue-books for the test. This particular
class had been in aviaian biology and identification. The professor
was known to give very difficult finals, and weighed them heavily in
the grade.
Looking down to the table in the front of the room, the students
saw several stands with stuffed and mounted birds. They could see that
they were birds, as the feet were visible below the burlap sacks that
had been placed over them. And beside each was a small sign with a
number.
The bell rang, the professor allowed a moment for the noise to die
down, and them addressed the class. "Todays final will count, as you
know for a large percentage of the grade. But the directions for the
test are simple. You are to identify each of the birds on the table
before you. Write the number, and the latin and common name of the
creature associated with it, on your paper. When you have completed the
identifications, you may leave. Begin.", and with that he sat down.
One of the students, a few rows back from the front gestured for
the profs attention, and asked a question, "Uh, professor, are you
going to remove the sacks so we can see the birds?".
"No... If you've been following the lectures through the term, you
should be able to identify each of them by its feet alone. You should
have realized the areas that I was stressing, in class and in the
reading assignments."
The student, becoming a little alarmed, "You mean, you expect
us to be able to know one of these from the others just by its feet.
That's unreasonable."
"I'm sorry you're dismayed by this test. Perhaps if you'll begin
it'll go better than you expect, and then the others can begin
also."
"No, this is absurd. I'm not going to take this test. This is
outrageous. I'm leaving." And the student begins to gather up his
pencils, and day-pack.
"If you're leaving, tell me your name, so I can mark you off in my
The irate student, holding up his feet so the
prof can see them, replies, "YOU FIGURE IT OUT!"

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