Taoism = Shit Happens.
If you can shit, it isn't shit.
Confucianism = Confucius say, "Shit Happens"
Buddhism = If shit happens, it is not really shit.
Shit will happen again to you next time.
Zen-Buddhism = What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism = This shit happened before.
This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life.
Islam = If this shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Protestantism = Let shit happen to someone else.
Catholicism = If shit happens, you deserved it.
Charismatic Catholicism: Shit is happening because you deserve it,
but we love you anyway.
Judaism = Why does shit always happen to us?
New Age = A firm shit does not happen to me.
This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate
I create my own shit.
Rastafarian = Let's roll that shit up and smoke it.
Jehovah's Witness = There is only a limited amount of good shit
Mormon = Hey, there's more shit over here!
Baptist = You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it
Unitarianism = Go ahead, shit anywhere you want
Iraqi Baathist = Oh shit!
Yuppie Shit = It's my shit! All mine! Isn't it beautiful?
Voodoo = Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you.
Televangelism = Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit
stop happening.
Heisenbergism = Shit happened, we just don't know where.
Nixonism = Shit didn't happen, and if it did I didn't know anything
about it.
McCarthyism = Are you now, or have you ever been shit?
Communism = It's everybody's shit.
Capitalism = Shit happens, and it'll cost you!
Agnosticism = It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so I'm
not sure whether its shit or not.
Atheism = It looks and smells like shit, so I'm damned if I'm going to
taste it.
I don't believe this shit.
Realism = I think I need to take a shit.
