18 UNNATURAL LAWS
1. O'REILLY'S LAW OF THE KITCHEN
Clenliness is next to impossible.
2. LIEBERMAN'S LAW
Everybody lies; but it doesn' matter, since nobody listens.
3. DENNISON'S LAW
Virtue is its own punishment.
4. GOLD'S LAW
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
5. HANDY GUIDE TO MODERN SCIENCE
If it's green or it wiggles - it's biology
If it stinks, it's chemistry
If it doesn't work, it's physics
6. CONWAY'S LAW
In any organization there will always be one person who knows what
is going on. This person MUST be fired.
7. GREEN'S LAW OF DEBATE
Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
8. STEWART'S LAW OF RETROACTION
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. FIRST RULE OF HISTORY
History doesn't repeat itself --- historians merely repeat each
other
10. FINSTER'S LAW
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
11. OLIVER'S LAW OF LOCATION
no matter where you go, there you are.
12. LYNCH'S LAW
When the going gets tough - everyone leaves.
13. GLYME'S FORMULA FOR SUCCESS
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake thet,
you've got it made.
14. MASON'S FIRST LAW OF SYNERGISM
The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.
15. THE SAUSAGE PRINCIPLE
People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch
either one being made.
16. HARRISON'S POSTULATE
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
17. HALON'S RAZOR
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by
stupidity.
18. MUIR'S LAW
When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to
everything else in the universe.
Editors Note:
Here it is folks, the oneliner file. Over the past year, I have
received several short submissions that were mildly funny, but
not quite good enough or topical enough to merit their own posting....
