Related:

• Some experts say that to win Mr. Mondale needs a huge voter turnout of nearly 100 million people.
  Maybe if he wore just one glove and promised to break dance at the inaugural ball......
• How about that footage on the news yesterday of our new Commander-in- Chief on the deck of the aircraft carrier (Teddy Roosevelt?
  ).. After throwing one of his snappy salutes (he's *almost* got that down), I half expected him to give the order, "Let's turn this thang around....
• As president," Fritz Mondale says, "I will work for peace from my first day in office, not from my first day of campaigning for office, not from my first day of campaigning for re-election.
  For most presidents they're the same day....
• Two of New England's finest undertakers, Old Mort Rogers and his brother Dick, are also experts at rigging sailing ships.
  Most agree that although Dick is a fine shipbuilder, he's not the rigger Mort is....
• As they began their convention, the Democrats seemed unified.
  At least everyone seems to have found someone else to dislike....
• YOUR CO-WORKER COULD BE A SPACE ALIEN, SAY EXPERTS .
  .. here's how you can tell (by Michael Cassels of the "National Inquirer") Many Americans work side by side with space aliens who look human - but you can spot these visitors byy looking for certain tip-offs, say experts....
• EEKING OUT A LIVING IN RADIOACTIVE SHOES Come now, don’t any of you baby boomers remember having your childhood feet x-rayed at the shoe store?
  It was right about the time we were being stuffed with megadoses of penicillin no matter what the wheezy etiology, and ducking for cover under one-armed elementary school desks in mock nuclear bomb attacks....
• Q: Why did George Bush win the election? A: Because Barbara's picture is on the $1 bill.
• ALIEN ZOMBIE & THE CONGO LIZARDS You’re in luck. As my luck would have it, I made my bones in a musical family.
  Grandpop slapped ivories at the Congo, and Daddy-O moonlit his rocket ‘88 in the lizard lounges....