Related:

• I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people.
  Ed Bluestone "Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron....
• Non-Sequitur Quotations "I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people.
  Ed Bluestone "Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron....
• HOW TO FIGURE OUT IF YOU ARE REALLY A REDNECK: ** You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
  ** You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter....
• How to Change Your Oil... Women: 1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube 3000 miles after the last oil change.
  2. Drink a cup of coffee. 3. Fifteen minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle....
• How to Change OIl: Women: 1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
  2. Drink a cup of coffee. 3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle....
• 100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate 1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat.
  Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in....
• 100 reasons it's great to be a guy: 1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
  2. Movie nudity is virtually always female. 3. You know stuff about tanks....
• Things to do When Bored -Wax the ceiling -Rearrange political campaign signs -Sharpen your teeth -Play Houdini with one of your siblings -Braid your dog's hair -Clean and polish your belly button -Water your dog.
  ..see if he grows -Wash a tree -Knight yourself -Name your child Edsel -Scare Stephen King -Give your cat a mohawk -Purr -Mow your carpet -Play Pat Boone records backwards -Vacuum your lawn -Whine -Rake your carpet -Re-elect Richard Nixon -Critique "Three's Company" -Listen to a painting -Play with matches -Buff your cat -Race ferrets -Paint your house....
• Clean mind, clean body: take your pick.