Non-Sequitur Quotations
"I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must
eat it with naked fat people." - Ed Bluestone
"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and
anyone going faster than you is a moron." - George Carlin
"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a
day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she
is." - Ellen DeGeneris
"I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain." - Carol Leifer
"A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in
business." - Shelley Berman
"Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation
Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it
back for seventy-five cents." - Billiam Coronel
"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets." -
Dave Edison
"Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But
when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window." - Steve
Bluestone
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry." - Rita Rudner
"Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank
robbery has just taken place." - Johnny Carson
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock."
-Will Rogers
"Never moon a werewolf." - Mike Binder
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
