Related:

• Press Release - Christmas and Chanukah Merger: Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitio
  it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge....
• TOP 118 REASONS WHY IT'S ACCEPTABLE TO DATE A NERD 1) His shoelaces are hardly ever untied 2) Doesn't pick his nose in public 3) Has never put a red shirt in with the whites 4) Was not directly responsible for the Holocaust 5) When getting off an elevator at a 20+ story building
  he doesn't push all the buttons so everyone has to stop at every floor 6) Elvis is dead and Bob Saget is married...
• By Lore Shoberg, velcro@ucscb.ucsc.
• By Lore Shoberg, velcro@ucscb.ucsc.EDU SANTA CLAUS IS WEILDING A GUN (to the tune of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town") Oh
  you better watch out You better not pry You better stay back I'm telling you why Santa Claus is wielding a gun He's making a list And checking it twice Gonna find out who He's gonna ice Santa Claus is wielding a gun Don't give him any trouble He'll blow you right away Don't give him any cause to shoot Or you'll make his Christmas Day Oh, you better believe He's packing a rod No coal in your stocking Just lead in your bod Santa Claus is wielding a gun He doesn't want cookies Or none of that crud He doesn't want milk What he wants is your blood Santa Claus is wielding a gun (Music Bridge, with automatic arms fire) He doesn't trust nobody Shot all his reindeer dead Thought Dancer was a sissy And thought Rudoulph was a red Oh, you better watch out You better not pry You better stay back I'm telling you why Santa Claus is wielding a gun (c) 1987 Lore Shoberg, velcro@ucscb....
• Santa Claus, upon trudging out to his sleigh for his annual night freight trip around the world, was surprised to find a guy with a shotgun standing next to his rig.
  Santa asked him why he was there. The man replied, "I'm from the FAA, and this is an unscheduled 135 inspection....
• Christmas 2000 A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.
  ...Please read the following carefully....... I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve....
• Q: Do you know why Santa Claus doesn't have any children?
  A: Because, he only comes once a year and then it's down a chimney....
• Grandma got run over by a reindeer, Walking home from our house Christmas Eve, You can say there's no such thing as Santa, But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
  She'd been drinking too much eggnog, And we begged her not to go, But she forgot her medication, So she staggered out the door and through the snow....
• Various Nights Before Christmas... A Microsoft Christmas 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
  The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As Papa did last minute Internet shopping....