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• By Lore Shoberg, velcro@ucscb.ucsc.
• Christmas 2000 A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.
  ...Please read the following carefully....... I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve....
• Barbie Barbie c/o Mattel, Inc. El Segundo, CA 90245 November 7, 1997 Santa Claus North Pole, Dear Santa
  Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya, Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME!...
• Grandma got run over by a reindeer, Walking home from our house Christmas Eve, You can say there's no such thing as Santa, But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
  She'd been drinking too much eggnog, And we begged her not to go, But she forgot her medication, So she staggered out the door and through the snow....
• Q: Do you know why Santa Claus doesn't have any children?
  A: Because, he only comes once a year and then it's down a chimney....
• Santa Sued For Checking List Twice... AUSTIN, TX (Dec.
  23) - Attorneys for filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list and then checking it twice....
• Various Nights Before Christmas... A Microsoft Christmas 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
  The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As Papa did last minute Internet shopping....
• Santa Claus, upon trudging out to his sleigh for his annual night freight trip around the world, was surprised to find a guy with a shotgun standing next to his rig.
  Santa asked him why he was there. The man replied, "I'm from the FAA, and this is an unscheduled 135 inspection....
• A Christmas Carol for Any Psychosis Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear?
  Multiple Personality - We Three Queens Disoriented Are....