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• Accountants What's the definition of an accountant?
  - Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand....
• Daily Affirmations I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself.
  Unless, of course, I want to stay employed. A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem....
• When I was in a six person suite of rooms, one of my room mates was a witch, and by coincidence, another room mate had a key to his room.
  One night the witch room mate returned to find that all six calendars in his room were set to October, and there was a pentagram of pencils on his desk....
• Did you hear about the accountant who was half Jewish, and half Polish?
  He embezzled the accounts payable ......
• Odd that no-one mentioned the fun to be had with all the new and wonderful phone features available now.
  None of the below are truly destructive. Adjust gender as appropriate (women's lib be damned, I'm not going to type his/her, s/he every time)....
• K. M. Reese, "Newscripts", Chemical & Engineering News (26 Jun 89), p.
  64: "An economist, incidentally, is a chap who, when asked for his social security number, gives an estimate....
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• I'm not schizophrenic, just ask my other personality.
• What's the definition of a sadist? Someone who's kind to a masochist.