Related:

• Start the day with a smile and get it over with.
• BE A KID AGAIN.... Give yourself a gold star for everything you do today.
  Dot all your "i"'s with smiley faces Sing into your hairbrush Grow a milk mustache Smile back at the man in the moon Read the funnies Throw the rest of the paper away Dunk your cookies Ask somebody if their refrigerator is running Play a game where you make up the rules as you go along Order with eyes that are bigger than your stomach Open a pack of cupcakes and give one to a friend even though you wanted both of them for yourself Pretend your bread rolls are tap dancing Step carefully over sidewalk cracks Change into some play clothes Try to get someone to trade you a better sandwich Have a staring contest with your cat Eat ice cream for breakfast Kiss a frog just in case Give someone a "Hug-around-the-neck" Blow the wrapper off a straw Refuse to eat crusts Make a face the next time somebody tells you "no" Watch TV in your pajamas Ask "Why?...
• HOW COLD IS IT? An annotated thermometer (degrees Fahrenheit) +50 * New York tenants turn on the heat * Minnesotans plant gardens +40 * Californians shiver uncontrollably * Minnesotans sunbathe +35 * Italian cars don't start +32 * Distilled water freezes +30 * You can see your breath * You plan a vacation in Florida * Politicians begin to worry about the homeless * Minnesotans eat ice cream +25 * Boston water freezes * Californians weep pitiably * Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you +20 * Cleveland water freezes * San Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA * Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts +15 * You plan a vacation to Cancun * Minnesotans go swimming +10 * Politicians begin to talk about the homeless * Too cold to snow * You need jumper cables to get the car going 0 * New York landlords turn on the heat -5 * You can hear your breath * You plan a vacation in Hawaii -10 * American cars don't start * Too cold to skate -15 * You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo * Miamians cease to exist * Minnesotans lick flagpoles -20 * Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you * Politicians actually do something about the homeless * People in LaCrosse think about taking down screens -25 * Too cold to kiss * You need jumper cables to get the driver going * Japanese cars don't start * Minnesota Twins head for spring training -30 * You plan a two-week hot bath * Bock beer production begins * Minnesotans shovel snow off roof -38 * Mercury freezes * Too cold to think * Minnesotans button top button -40 * Californians disappear * Car insists on sleeping in your bed with you * Minnesotans put on sweaters -50 * Congressional hot air freezes * Alaskans close the bathroom window * Green Bay Packers practice indoors -60 * Walruses abandon Aleutians * Minnesotans put gloves away
  ake out mittens * Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start -70 * Minneapolis residents replace diving boards with hockey nets * Ridgeway snowmobilers organize trans-river race to Buffalo, WI -80 * Polar bears abandon Baffin Island * Girl Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby -90 * Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles * Wisconsinites migrate to Minnesota thinking it MUST be warmer -100 * Santa Claus abandons North Pole * Minnesotans pull down earflaps -173 * Ethyl alcohol freezes -445 * Superconductivity -452 * Helium becomes a liquid -454 * Hell freezes over -456 * Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90 -458 * Incumbent politician renounces campaign contribution -460 (Absolute Zero) * All atomic motion ceases * Minnesotans allow as to how it's getting a mite nippy "A Smile A Day" mailing list === (C) Copyright 1996 - 1998 === jokester@hilarious....
• On this farm there used to be a cat and a rooster, but the rooster and the cat didn't get along very well.
  The cat was nosey about where the rooster went everyday, but the rooster wouldn't tell him anything at all and this made the cat mad....
• Smile, things could get worse. And they will.
• Q: How does every ethnic joke start? A: By looking over your shoulder.
• E-mail Junkie You know you're an E-mail Junkie if
  1. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed....
• This zoo had a female gorilla, but no male gorilla.
  This female gorilla was really getting horny and the zoo had no one to take care of her....
• Sir, I admit your general rule, That every poet is a fool.
  But you yourself may serve to show it, Every fool is not a poet....