"Sir, I admit your general rule,
That every poet is a fool.
But you yourself may serve to show it,
Every fool is not a poet."
--Alexander Pope.
An egotist is a person of low taste--more interested in himself than in me.
If you sprinkle when you tinkle,
be a sweetie wipe the seatie.
(in high pitched voice) Hi my name is Bobby and every time my mommy puts
me on the potty I cry. And so one day my mommy said "Bobby How come every
time I put you on the Potty you cry?" I said "It's my potty and I'll cry
if I want to, Cry if I want to."
1. What's long and tubular and full of seamen? (This joke must
be done orally.)
1. A submarine
2. What does a dog do that a man steps into?
2. pants
3. What's a four letter word that ends in "k" and means
intercourse?
3. talk
4. What four letter word begins with "F", ends with "K", and
if you can't get one you have to use your hand?
4. fork
5. What does a man have that gets bigger as you stroke it?
5. his ego
6. What's hard, long, has two nuts and can make a girl fat?
6. almond joy
7. What part of a man's body enlarges to approximately three
times its normal size when excited?
7. pupils
8. What word starts with a "C", ends with a "T" and means
pussy?
8. cat
Two teenage boys robbed a bank in a run-down car. After they left the bank,
the car wouldn't start. When they looked under the hood to see what was
wrong, they locked their keys and the money in the car. They panicked and
fled on foot, running into an oncoming police car turning the corner.
________________________________________________________________
One night about dusk a lady drives up in a relatively
clean car. (we notice these things). My chinese work mate
(no relevance to story) saunter suspiciously up to the clean car
which stopped just inside our lot.
The soft spoken middle aged lady rolled down her window and
spoke;
"Do you wash engines off?" She asked. We now notice her puffed
eyes, her wet cheeks. (she was crying).
We also notice the engine is still running. (vital clue #2)
We shrug our shoulders and say,...
"yeah, awl right"
We have never had a request like this but we suggest to each other
we could whip out the hi pressure hose and just sorta point it
at the engine. If we kept the pressure down the little old lady
would probably keep her hoses and wiring intact. (no relevance)
So my work buddy and I get out the hose and drag it over to her
car. All this time the car was still running (get on with it)
and oddly,... she never did get out of the car.
Well, to jump straight to the good part,...
We open up the hood and are both hit square in the nostrils
by a warm air blast of fried cat parts. My buddy, caught unaware,
simply tossed his cookies onto the engine. This was no
improvement on the situation.
This is what I saw,... Bits of kitty cat all over the engine.
No one piece larger than a loonie. But all stuck in marvelous
?????? (Canadian $1 coin)
collage across engine, hood, and exhaust manifold.
"Fluffy must have climbed into the engine before I started it"
sobs the ms. over the still running engine.
" I heard a noise and came straight here".
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
