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• Q: How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?
  A: `I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times...'...
• A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after a large evening ashore.
  As they climbed the gangway the captain threw up all over himself....
• Undocumented Assembler Commands: AII Scatter Deck BAH Branch And Hang BBBF Branch on Bit Bucket Full BCF Branch on Chip box Full BOHP Bribe Operator for Higher Priority BSST BackSpace and Stretch Tape CUN Cancel all User Numbers EMW Emulate Maytag Washer ERD Eject Removable Disk EXOI EXecute Operator Immediately IA Illogical And KCE Kill Consultant on Error MST Mount Scotch Tape MVLR MoVe and Lose Record PDM Play Drum Memory (dated
  wot?) PLSC Perform Light Show on Console PS Print and Smear RPB Read Print and Blush RCSD Read Card and Scramble Deck RFSC Read Feed and Shred Card RIG Read Inter-record Gap RSD Read and Shuffle Deck RWRT Read While Ripping Tape SD Scatter Deck SPD SPin dry Disk SSD Seek and Scar Disk UER Update and Erase Record =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= Intercourse Beats Masturbation Inefficient But Marketable Imperialism By Marketing Idiots Become Managers Insolence Breeds Mediocrity Incredibly Brilliant Marketing Incredibly Big Monopoly I Became Macintosh APPLE...
• Ten Rules for dating my daughter. Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
  Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me....
• To do is to be.
• To be is to do.
• SITUATION ADAPTABILITY EVALUATION FOR MANAGEMENT PERSONNEL This test has been designed to evaluate reactions of management personnel to various situations.
  The situations are based on actual case studies from a well known educational institution and represent a cross-section of test data correlated to evaluate both reaction time to difficult situations as well as the soundness of each decision selected....
• Ways To Make New York a Nicer Place to Live 10. Goodbye, crack dens -- hello, luxury crack suites!
  9. Have Mayor Giuliani change his last name to "McCheese....