Related:

• Honest Ma, I got it from a toilet seat...
• A Ticket... A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange
  Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one....
• When I got married I told my wife I wanted to set the world on fire.
  After three years of being married to her I wanted to set myself on fire ......
• W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
  < -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
• On their wedding night, Bob and Alice were in the honeymoon suite getting undressed for the big occiasion.
  Bob turned to Alice and said, "I have to be honest with you sweetheart, I have never done this before" Alice replied "Don't worry Bob...
• houses --- In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything.
  Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check....
• cars and driving --- For a while I didn't have a car.
  .. I had a helicopter... no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running....
• Pulled over in Texas... Two guys were riding through Texas when they got pulled over by the state patrol.
  So the two guys Slide on their seat belt and watch the officer get out of the car....
• Surgery Whisperings THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY
  Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy....