Related:

• I went fishing one day, just for the halibut. All I caught was a haddock, So I went home and took too many aspirins, And then my herring got impaired.
• Do you have too much time on your hands....
• MY RESUME... My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned .
  .. couldn't concentrate. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax....
• A young woman got married at Chester, Her mother she kissed and she blessed her.
  Says she, "You`re in luck, He's a stunning good fuck, For I`ve had him myself down in Leicester....
• Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
  This widow had a grown-up daughter Who had hair of red....
• Gandpa Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was as pretty as could be.
  This widow had a grown up daughter Who had hair of red....
• You Might be a redneck if you understand this Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
  This widow had a grown-up daughter Who had hair of red....
• Men, Translated "I'm going fishing." Really means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.
  "It's a guy thing." Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical....
• EEKING OUT A LIVING IN RADIOACTIVE SHOES Come now, don’t any of you baby boomers remember having your childhood feet x-rayed at the shoe store?
  It was right about the time we were being stuffed with megadoses of penicillin no matter what the wheezy etiology, and ducking for cover under one-armed elementary school desks in mock nuclear bomb attacks....