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• Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
• DETERIORATA (With apologies to Desiderata) - GO PLACIDLY AMID THE NOISE & WASTE.
  REMEMBER WHAT COMFORT THERE MAY BE IN OWNING A PIECE THEREOF....
• An Indian brave came up to his chief. "Oh Big Chief, why you give us the names you give.
  "Mmmmm. When your cousin was born...I look across and see deer leaping in field....
• Three nuns die and go to heaven, at the pearly gates they are confronted by Saint Peter who says "Well girls before you can get into heaven you must answer a question.
  Saint Peter asks the first nun, "Who was the first man on earth?...
• Top 30 Ways to Simulate Being in the Navy when You're at Home 1.
  Lock all friends and family outside. Your only means of communication should be with letters that your neighbours have held for at least three weeks, discarding two of five....
• THE LAND OF OZ Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich, and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car together in the Midwe
  when suddenly a tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away....
• Reason for Swearing... Once there was a man who walked into a confessional.
  ell me your sins" said the priest. "Father," replied the man "I have used some foul language over the weekend and I feel absolutely terrible"....
• Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas.
  If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam....