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• A yer ago I kudnt spel jeanyus now I are won.
• 2 weeks ago I couldn't spel pgmr, now I are one.
• A yer ao I kudnt spel progrmer now I are won.
• I seam to have inaddvertintly deleeted the spel cheker.
• Yer a better man than I am, Gunga Din!
• Two old drunks were lapping them up at a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands.
  By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard....
• Well, now, hold onta yer horses, there, Frazier. I mean, as a psychiatrist, isn't it your job to, uh, `seek and uphold the truth'?
  "Oh, get real, Cliff." --- Chee...
• Adam just got finished screwin' Eve for the first time.
  God yells down at him and says, "Hey, Adam...how was it?...