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• When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?
  ' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' -- Steven Wrigh...
• When I woke up this morning, my girlfriend asked if I had slept well.
  I said, "No, I made a few mistakes." -- Steven Wrigh...
• When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me.
  I said, "Well, what do you need?" -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age. -- Stephen Wrigh
• Well, didja wake up grouchy or did you let her sleep?
• I invented the cordless extension cord -- Stephen Wrigh
• I bought a self learning record to learn spanish, I turned it on and went to sleep, the record got stuck, the next day I could only stutter in spanish.
  -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
  -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies".
  So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars". -- Stephen Wrigh...