Related:

• I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep
  he record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I turned my air conditioner the other way around, and it got cold out.
  The weatherman said "I don't understand it. I was supposed to be 80 degrees today," and I said "Oops....
• I bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. -- Stephen Wrigh
• I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him.
  .. "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane....
• I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading.
  So, I got some flip-up contact lenses. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes." -- Stephen Wrigh
• I finally went to the eye doctor. I got contacts. I only need them to read, so I got flip-ups.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• My girlfriend and I went on a picnic. I don't know how she did it, but she got poison ivy on the brain.
  When it itched, the only way she could scratch it was to think about sandpaper. -- Steven Wrigh...
• 24-hour banking? I haven't got time for that." -- Stephen Wrigh