Related:

• Murphy's Third Law for Husbands: The gifts you buy your wife are never as appropriate as the gifts your neighbor buys his wife.
• Murphy's Second Law for Husbands: The first time you go out after your wife's birthday, you will see the gift you gave her marked down fifty percent.
  Corollary: If she's with you, she'll assume you chose it because it was cheap....
• Murphy's Fourth Law for Husbands: Your wife's stored possessions will always be on top of your stored possessions.
• Grampa: All right, son, I'll sell this dump and write you a check.
  Homer: Dad, first you gave me life, now you've given me a home for my family, I'd be honored if you came to live with us....
• A Southern boy graduates from high school heads north to college, taking the family dog, Old Blue with him, for company.
  He's only been there a few weeks when he gets a call from his girlfriend...
• My girlfriend's father died of throat trouble. They hung him.
  He used to work in a bank. But no matter how much the boss likes you, if you work in a bank you can't bring home samples....
• No name, no matter how simple, can be correctly understood over the phone.
  -- Murphy's Twenty-First Law...
• If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.
• If you want to know how old a woman is, ask her sister-in-law.