I'd started making up this revenge list, like people I'd like to get sooner
or later. And the hang-up about doing this is that you're worried about
them dying and you won't get the chance. So I started to get different ways
to be offensive at the funerals:
Shake the widow's hand with an electric buzzer. Stand around the cemetery
saying, "At least he'll no longer be tormented over being impotent." Tell
the clergyman that the deceased was a vampire and ask if you can drive a
stake through his heart ... On the way home from the cemetery, tell the
widow that you're not sure, but you think that you saw the body move.
-- Ed Bluestone