Related:

• The good thing about prison is that you never have to wonder what to wear. -- Carol Siskind
• I asked this guy if he had the time. He said he'd love to give it to me, but he wasn't sure he could make the commitment.
  -- Carol Siskind...
• I can't cook. I use a smoke alarm as a timer. -- Carol Siskind
• You guys--you gain thirty pounds and we call you cuddly.
  We gain an ounce and you call us taxis. Then you don't call us at all. -- Carol Siskind...
• You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first.
• Who invented cottage cheese? And how did they know when they were done?
  It looks like it's already been eaten. Never buy anything you have to order by the size of its curd....
• Why is it that you always have to rummage through the wastebasket for a note right after you've just emptied your ashtray?