Related:

• Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know?
  I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out....
• If you don't like the police, next time, call a rioter.
• You may wish to think of animals as dumb, but they don't hire lawyers and they don't have doctors, and what is even more telling, they don't pay taxes!
• Lawyers do it to you.
• Here's something to think about: How come you never see a Headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery.
  ' -- Comedian Jay Leno...
• I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year. . . for cheating on my metaphysics final.
  You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me....
• Mr. Rockford? You don't know me, but I'd like to hire you.
  Could you call me at ... My name is, uh, ... Never mind, forget it!...
• If you think the pen is mightier than the sword, the next time someone pulls out a sword I'd like to see you get up there with your Bic.