Related:

• I GUESS WE WERE ALL GUILTY, in a way. We shot him, we skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I helped skin Bob.
  -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988....
• I wish a robot would get elected President. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Cave Man the best.
  We called him Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he'd eat one of us....
• When I heard that trees grow a new 'ring' for each year they live, I thought, we humans are kind of like tha
  we grow a new layer of skin each year, and after many years we are thick and unwieldy from all our skin layers....
• I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
  -- Jack Handey...
• The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me.
  I remember we'd all pile into the car---I forget what kind it was---and drive and drive....
• When I was a child, there were times when we had to entertain ourselves.
  And usually the best way to do that was to turn on the TV. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call them "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't we all be brothers?
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?
  We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...