Related:

• I wish a robot would get elected President. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Do you know what happens when you slice a golf ball in half?
  Someone gets mad at you. I found this out the hard way. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I hope, when they die, cartoon characters have to answer for their sins.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If I ever do a book on the Amazon, I hope I am able to bring a certain lightheartedness to the subject, in a way that tell the reader we are going to have fun with this thing.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If I had a mine shaft, I don't think I would just abandon it.
  There's got to be a better way. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down.
  I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell....
• I have to laugh when I think of the first cigar, because it was probably just a bunch of rolled-up tobacco leaves.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...