Related:

• Welcome back for you 13th consecutive week, Evelyn.
  Evelyn, will you go into the auto-suggestion booth and take your regular place on the psycho-prompter couch?...
• I looked up the word "politics" in the dictionary and it's actually a combination of two word
  poli," which means many, and "tics," which means bloodsuckers. -- Jay Leno...
• Well, anyway, I was reading this James Bond book, and right away I realized that like most books, it had too many words.
  The plot was the same one that all James Bond books have...
• She just lost ten pounds, she brushed her teeth.
• Krusty: Ah, there's nothing better than a cigarette.
  ..unless it's a cigarette lit with a $100 bill!...
• Homer: Look, I know I'm not witty like that critic guy, but does he know _all_ the words to the Oscar Mayer song?
  Jay: [walking past, singing] Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer weiner, [Bart and Lisa join in] That is what I'd truly like to be....
• Pictures worth a thousand words take ten thousand times as long to draw.
• Evelyn: Well, I can't pump [the gas] myself. I'm calling AAA.
  Marge: [stops her] I used to be a little overwhelmed too, but it's not that hard....
• In New York crime is getting worse. I was there the other day.
  The Statue of Liberty had both hands up. -- Jay Leno...