Related:

• Abe: [narrating] The story of the Simpson family began in the Old Country.
  I forget which one exactly. My dad would drone on and on about America....
• I looked up the word "politics" in the dictionary and it's actually a combination of two word
  poli," which means many, and "tics," which means bloodsuckers. -- Jay Leno...
• The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty. -- Woody Alle
• On Presidents Day you stay home and you don't do anything.
  Sounds like Vice Presidents Day! -- Jay Leno...
• New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.
  -- Jay Leno...
• I went to the beach a couple of times in New York City.
  Tough summer out there, but I was pretty excited....
• Guest hosting for Jay Leno tonight is you.
• The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
  -- Jay Leno...
• I had to move to New York for health reasons. I'm extremely paranoid and New York is the only place my fears are justified.
  -- Anita Wise...