Related:

• We delivered our child via natural childbirth, the procedure invented by a man named Lamaze--the Marquis de Lamaze, a disciple of Dr.
  Josef Mengele, who concluded that women could counteract the incredible pain of childbirth through breathing....
• A group of soldiers being prepared for a practice landing on a tropical island were warned of the one danger the island held
  a poisonous snake that could be readily identified by its alternating orange and black bands....
• I told my mother I was going to have natural childbirth.
  She said to me, "Linda, you've been taking drugs all your life....
• I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes.
  -- Dave Barry...
• Physical fitness is in. I recently had a physical fit myself. -- Steve Alle
• I did cancel one performance in Holland where they thought my music was so easy that they didn't rehearse at all.
  And so the first time when I found that out, I rehearsed the orchestra myself in front of the audience of 3,000 people and the next day I rehearsed through the second movement -- this was the piece _Cheap Imitation_ -- and they then were ashamed....
• Milhouse: Do you hear that, Bart? That was the tardy bell.
  Truant! Truant! Truant, they'll all say!...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• They say I married my wife because her uncle left her a whole lot of money.
  That's not true. I would've married her no matter who left her the money....