Related:

• I am fairly unrepentant about her poetry. I really think that three quarters of it is gibberish.
  However, I must crush down these thoughts otherwise the dove of peace will shit on me....
• I was working on a case. It had to be a case, because I couldn't afford a desk.
  Then I saw her. This tall blond lady. She must have been tall because I was on the third floor....
• As you enter the mine a rather burly man approaches you and exclaims, "Great to see someone else stumble into this God (sic) forsaken hole.
  I came here 12 years ago and lost my boat. This mine has the greatest gem hordes ever encountered....
• He thought he saw an Elephant, That practiced on a fife
  He looked again, and found it was A letter from his wife....
• In the process of getting our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds.
  Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred....
• October 12, the Discovery. It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
  -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)...
• As I have said often enough before, I never repeat myself, and so it almost goes without saying that I won't repeat myself again.
• I know [patriotism] exists, and I know it has done much in the present contest.
  But a great and lasting war can never be supported on this principle alone....
• Life Sucks. Cynical, misanthropic male, 34, looking for soul mate but certain not to find her.
  Drop me a note. I'll call you, we'll talk and I'll ask you out to dinner where I'll probably spend more than I can afford in a feeble attempt to impress you....