Related:

• You can't expect a mother to be with a small child all the time" Margaret Mead once remarked
  with her usual good sense, but in 1978 she shocked feminists by snapping that women don't really have children to put them in day care twelve hours a day, either....
• All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
• Microsoft Mandatory Survey (#8) Customers who want to upgrade to Windows 98 Second Edition must now fill out a Microsoft survey online before they can order the bugfix/upgrade.
  Question 8: If you could meet Bill Gates for one minute, what would you say to him?...
• Either I've gone nuts, or all this is really happening.
  If I'm nuts, I'll be the last to know. So I might as well act as if everything is just the way it looks....
• Bart: {Dad, you really want to get rid of this trampoline?
  } Homer: {Uh huh.} Bart: {Observe: a bike lock. [je locks the trampoline to a post] Now just turn around, and count to three...
• Marge: Homey, are you really going to ignore Grampa for the rest of your life.
  Homer: Of course not, Marge, just for the rest of his life....
• Marge: That video really opened my eyes. I can see that I'm just a passive-aggressive co-culprit.
  By nagging you when you do foolish things, I just enable your life script....
• Friends, Romans, Hipsters, Let me clue you in; I come to put down Caesar, not to groove him.
  The square kicks some cats are on stay with them...