Related:

• Leonard Box was arrested yesterday. Somebody told him his wife was as pretty as a picture, so he hung her on the wall.
  -- Charley Weaver (Cliff Arquette)...
• Father was coming up the stairs with five gallons of elderberry wine, and he slipped and fell clear down into the basement.
  Fortunately, he didn't spill a drop--he kept his mouth closed....
• Wallace Swine now has an orchestra in his restaurant, but the music is so bad that last night a waiter dropped a tray of dishes and everybody got up and started to dance.
  -- Charley Weaver (Cliff Arquette)...
• I like milk because it comes from cows.
• Bananas are a waste of time. After you skin them and throw the bone away, there's nothing left to eat.
  -- Charley Weaver (Cliff Arquette)...
• Your father just kissed a bride and got himself a black eye.
  I know everyone does it, but not seven years after the wedding....
• Elsie's awfully good to her mother--she never goes home. -- Charley Weaver (Cliff Arquette)
• Ludlow Bean was arrested the other day for stealing a woman's change purse.
  He told the judge that he hadn't been feeling well, and he thought the change would do him good....
• Elsie is so ugly she's been turned down more times than a bedspread .
  .. Two weeks ago she won first prize in a beauty contest....