Related:

• I got hit by a Volkswagen--and had to go to the hospital to have it removed. -- Pat McCormick
• I have invented rubber food for old people with time to kill. -- Pat McCormick
• James Brown: "Help! I've fallen and I can't get down!
• Never eat in a restaurant where you see a cockroach bench-pressing a burrito. -- Pat McCormick
• I(ve) B(een) M(islead)
• I've fallen! And I don't care!
• At the retirement center for senior citizens, Wrinkle City, if everyone happens to smile at once it's automatically declared Halloween.
  The residents are so elderly it's considered a good deed for a Boy Scout to help an old lady cross her legs....
• My only books Were woman's looks,-- And folly 's all they 've taught me.
  -- Thomas Moore (1779-1852) -- The Time I 've lost in wooing...
• When the tree is fallen [down], every man goes to it with his hatchet. -- Proverb