Related:

• A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, 'Why were you going so fast?
  ' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator....
• One time the police stopped me for speeding. They said, "Don't you know the speed limit is fifty-five miles an hour?
  I said, "Yeah, I know, but I wasn't going to be out that long." -- Steven Wrigh...
• I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, "Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?
  Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out that long..." -- Steven Wrigh...
• I used to live in a house by the freeway. When I went anywhere, I had to be going 65 MPH by the end of my driveway.
  I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights....
• One day, when I came home from work, I accidently put my car key in the door of my apartment building.
  .. I turned it... and the whole building started up....
• I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 50 miles per hour?
  '. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep.
  Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how....
• My girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone on this tour.
  I said, "the whole time." -- Steven Wrigh...
• I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
  I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out....