Related:

• I was driving down the street at 100 miles per hour for no reason.
  The police stopped me for speeding. They said, "Why were you going so fast?...
• One day, when I came home from work, I accidently put my car key in the door of my apartment building.
  .. I turned it... and the whole building started up....
• One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign.
  He said "Didn't you see the stop sign." I said "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read....
• I used to live in a house by the freeway. When I went anywhere, I had to be going 65 MPH by the end of my driveway.
  I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights....
• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...
• I bought this thing for my car. You put it on your car, it sends out this little noise, so when you drive through the woods, deer won't run in front of your car.
  I installed it backwards by accident. Driving down the street with a herd of deer chasing me....
• I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 50 miles per hour?
  '. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• Homer: Dad, how come you never gave me any encouragement?
  Maybe I could have been something more than I am....
• A feed salesman is on his way to a farm. As he's driving along at forty m.
  p.h., he looks out his car window and sees a three-legged chicken running alongside him, keeping pace with his car....